My Toxic Relationship with Art
I started taking art “seriously” on August 7, 2021, and I got my very first sketchbook about a week later.
My drawings were about as good as you’d expect them to be:
Approximately two months and many burnout/reinvigoration cycles later, I had finished my very first sketchbook. I even kind of learned how to draw heads in three-quarters by the end!
I went straight into Sketchbook #2, and burned out fairly quickly. The pressure I put upon myself to keep making better drawings then the last. Around December 2021, something miraculous happened.
I started having fun again.
Suddenly, I was a drawing machine. Doodle after doodle, sketch after sketch, even a scrappy comic or two. Plus, I started replaying Cuphead and rewatching Hilda during the winter break of that year, which supplied a steady stream of artistic inspiration.
After that, my goal was solidified: I was going to be the best at art I possibly could, in order to make a comic based on a science fiction story I’ve been brewing in my head since… 2014. Jeez. That’s almost 10 years.
I made sure to draw every day, although I never gave a time frame, like, 30 minutes every day. This led to me judging my progress on the days before. I would often be disappointed if I produced less pages on a busy school day vs a Saturday.
I think this is because I would see artists on Instagram pumping out so many drawings over a seemingly short peiod of time, and don’t get me STARTED on those sketchbook tours! How were they drawing so much?
I would let drawing consume my entire day, to the point where I wouldn’t have time to do homework. We can argue all day about if homework and school in general is useful, but at the end of the day, I have to do it.
One full sketchbook in a month was seen as “slow” for me… which, statistically, it was. My third, fourth, fifth, and sixth all took 3 weeks or less
As you could predict, this would all lead to burn out. It took a while, however. It wasn’t until about August 2022 that my art output slowed down, probably because I got a Samsung Tablet, and the transistion to digital art kind of messed me up.
Overall in the past few months, I find that ideas flow less and less. I’m on my 12th sketchbook, and i have been… for over half a year now. Drawing is just… less fun now. I also have other priorities
So, I’ve come to a decision.
I’m taking a break!
At least, I was for the month of February. Yeah, it took a really long time for get this post out.
The goal is to shake off all the unnecessary expectations with art, and focus on having fun again. I now realize just how long I have in this art journey of mine, and there’s seriously no need to rush.